My New Blog

I miss writing. I miss putting my thoughts "down on paper". It's been a very long time since I've physically been able to, let alone felt creative enough to actually put an effort into a blog. I realize that I originally created my first blog "just cause" and "it seemed like the thing to do". But I was all over the map with that blog. There was no focus, no drive to it. I intend to make this one different.

Why "45 Degrees: A Right Angle Come Full Circle"? It's in the math. The triad math, at least. I am an adoptee. I am a first mother. I am two angles of a triangle, of the adoption triad. To nail it down, two angles can make a 45 degree angle. And if you put a triangle on it's base, and get only marginally creative, you can have a picture of a person standing on their own two feet. Is it reaching? Maybe. Have I come full circle? I don't know yet. Most of the time I just feel like I'm spinning in circles, but with this blog, and a few major life decisions made, I'm making an effort to at least stand in one place. At least for a while. We all know that life is the journey. I can't take too much time just standing in one place, or I won't get to where I'm going.

And where am I going? You ask. Well, If I put a little effort into this part of my journey, back to school. (YIKES!) This is where I'm putting the world on notice. My goal? The first hill in my journey will be to get my (yet another) AA in psychology at one of the local junior colleges in the area. The next hill, and scarier yet, is to transfer to my local CSU (California State University) to get my bachelor's in psychology, and then onto my master's in marriage and family therapy. Eventually onto a doctorate. But that's a mountain only dimly glimpsed in the distance.

But, why? You ask. I want to specialize in adoption trauma and help where I can in that field. I want to have the credentials to make a real impact in the adoption reform movement.

I had a conversation with a friend almost six months back. I was rambling on about my life, what was going on then and basically just whining. We got on the topic of adoption reform. He knew nothing about it, and I was able to chew his ear off for quite a while, fielding his questions like a pro! Later in the conversation, he was reflecting that when I was talking about the rest of my life, I was animated, but not very passionate. Once I started talking about adoption reform the passion just exploded out. There was some poking and prodding as to why I wasn't more active and the lame excuses abounded. But it got me thinking. And thinking...and, well, you know, thinking some more. I'm not happy in my work as a nurse. I'm just plodding along, day to day, not really enjoying my life. I became a nurse because it was a "quick" degree, something I'm good at and something to help support my family. But it's not my PASSION. 

I know it's a long row to hoe (as my adoptive parents would say), but I'm not doing anything else very constructive with my time. At the moment, I'm merely surviving. I want to LIVE! I want to be challenged and learn and grow! I want to make a difference! I want to become an active participant in my life, not just a random spectator. I believe that I can make that difference as an activist in adoption reform. I believe I can make a difference in someone's life who is struggling with the same issues I've struggled with. I believe I can make a difference in my own life, following my bliss.

I hope to use this new blog to chronicle that journey. I hope that I can share this journey with my friends; maybe drag them along to places they might not have otherwise visited.